10 posts from June 2009

Double the exclamation points means double the movies! Yep... I got 2 sets to review 'cuz (sadly) I've watched my latest set of 5 already.

• Hard Boiled - John Woo... This wasn't that great. Mostly made of weaksauce, but it has it's moments. I think there are other movies you could waste your time with.
  
• Don't Look Now - Between this, and the Body Snatchers movie, I think Donald Sutherland is the epitome of creepy '70s horror. Most of the beginning part was kinda boring, but man... The ending... I mean, it's nothing really shocking, but it just ups the creeper factor... Geh! It's worth it to see this just for that weird crap at the end. Plus, I dunno... The retro factor is nice too.
  
• Fear and Trembling - This is one of those ones that I saw on the shelf and thought "Hrmmmm.... This could be interesting..." and then I watched it and pretty much it wasn't. I suppose it gives a bit of a glimpse in to Japanese corporate life, but it's not like I would have any way to evaluate the truth. So you just have to take it at face value, and then it's just kinda retarded. I mean, it sorta defies you to believe that some of those people's behavior is mostly based on reality, and like, I just don't buy it. And even if it is true, the movie-fied version of it is still pretty retarded.
  
• The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - So you sci-fi purists out there will probably hate me, but I sorta liked this movie. What I liked is that it didn't take itself too seriously and just tried to be enjoyable. The little animated infographics were cool too. Interestingly enough, I am actually somewhat inspired to try and read the book now, as a result of watching this. Plus, WTF is Mos Def doing in this?! Crazy...
  
• We Own the Night - This was probably one of the most mediocre movies I've ever seen. It's not horrible, but it wasn't interesting. It pretty much walks a straight line right down the middle. Totally mediocre... Would you be let down if you saw it? I guess it depends on whether you think it would be good or total shit... Personally, I'd aim for total shit so you're actually impressed... :P
  
• The Forbidden Kingdom - Jet Li & Jackie Chan... With both of these dudes in one movie, you'd expect it to be totally fucking kick ass... But what this is, it's a fucking family movie... It's based on the old Chinese fable of the Monkey King, but I said "based on"... Meaning that they pretty much destroyed it with their stupid bullshit. And the kid in this movie is more pathetic than Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid... Don't waste your time with this crap.
  
• Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie - Ok... Humor me for a second while I let out my inner geek. I actually liked the TV program, back when Joel was the guy stuck out in space. Then I guess he got bored or rich or something and quit and they got this other guy Mike to be the "host". This movie had "Mike" as the host... It's really strange that they made a movie off of the TV show, mainly because it's a movie where you watch people watch movies.... It's one of the things I liked about the TV show. You actually got to watch all the campy/crappy movies from the good ol' days of crappy movies, but it's got a running (hilarious) dialog to go with it. The show was gloriously low budget, and for some reason, putting the Hollywood polish on things kinda made it less genuine. Anyway, I still don't like "Mike" as the host, but I must admit that I actually laughed out loud at some parts. So good job... I dunno if I'd have paid money for this, but I would buy DVD's of the old series with Joel...
  
• Scanners - I didn't actually get to see the whole thing. It's not my fault. The DVD was faulty, scratched or something. So at some point in the middle somewhere, it just dumps you back out to the title menu. So I kinda had to skip over some parts. But I guess since I watched the beginning, some of the middle, and the end, I guess this kind of counts as a total viewing. Cronenberg scores again with this one. It's not perfect, but I liked the unintentionally cheesy special effects. I miss that kind of shit in movies. Now it's all CG and it's just not believable. Sorry... Computer generated effects are not believable at all. They never will be, so just stop trying.
  
• Evil Dead - Man... I think I always got this confused with Army of Darkness. I never could understand why people liked this shit, but it's because I based my understanding on Army of Darkness, which is fucking terrible. And when you consider that Raimi also directed the boring Spiderman movies... I just couldn't figure out the following... Then I finally saw this.... Holy shit. Evil Dead is great! I mean, it's fucking retarded, but it's good. Totally glad I finally watched this. Oh, and this wins too in the bad special effects category.... Hahahahaha... ha...
  
• Ray - I think I may have watched and reviewed this already. I don't remember. Hopefully I don't contradict myself... hahahaha.... Anyway, I know Ray Charles did some great musical things with his life, but this movie was boring. I wish Hollywood would get their shit together and just make a documentary instead of making pseudo-factual movies. I mean, a Ken Burns-esque documentary about Ray Charles would be really cool and interesting. Instead, we have Jamie Foxx acting like a blind dude (somewhat poorly I might add...) and maybe portraying Ray Charles accurately. But since Mr. Charles died a few years back, there's no way to know if he did a good job or not. So why didn't they just make a documentary? I don't have a clue. And if you're interested in learning about the "Black Experience in America" you're much better off watching Eyes on the Prize instead of this thing...

Well, there it is... 10 movies... Yep. 10...

Yup....

So you already know that the King of Pop has passed. And for those Luddites out there without tv's who didn't hear, Michael Jackson was a singer who produced a lot of music you probably haven't heard of because your horse-drawn carriage doesn't come with a tape deck.

It's hard to say what I felt when I heard. I was kind of surprised, like, "No way! Get outta here...". But then after looking it up online, I was just kinda "meh"... I mean, there are many many people who literally grew up in the time MJ was on top of his game. The music was that universal. Anyone who says they weren't a fan when Thriller came out, they're basically dirty dirty liars.

Anyway, so he's gone now, and I think I mostly felt bad for him. Like, we all can speculate about his bizarre behavior in the past decade or so. But I think when it's all said and done, and it's probably not a very popular to say, but I kind of felt bad for him. Fame seems like it can really distort your sense of reality/priority. And there hasn't been anyone who is as famous as MJ and had their distorted sense of reality discussed as publicly. I'm not trying to justify anything about his behavior, believe me. I just think, in looking back, that perhaps the pressure of fame, and the constant public evaluation is probably more than anyone, you, me, MJ, or literally anyone, can actually handle without some really strange things coming to the foreground.

So I will just end this post here. There isn't a whole lot more I could add to all the endless back and forth over this.

Wow... Another set of reviews already... They only seem closer together because I'm not posting a bunch of shite all over my blog like I used to... I suppose I could go back to the shite, but that's a time commitment from me to figure out the shite, and a time commitment from you to read the shite, and it all means way too much commitment from everyone, when we should just be friends and hang out...

• Do the Right Thing - I seen this before, but man.... I love these old skool Spike Lee movies. Nothin' bad to say about it, just go check it out.
  
• American Gangster - I was not interested in this movie when it hit theaters, mainly because of my dislike of "Douchebag" Crowe (which you probably have read about in my earlier reviews). But, once again, the D-bag amazed me with this movie. He's still a d-bag, but he's a d-bag that can do some pretty amazing shit. Amazingly, I thought Denzel was the weaker of the 2 starring actors, when I really thought it would be the other way 'round. Not that Denzel was bad or anything.... Don't get me wrong.... I just thought the D-bag was actually that much better. I honestly think this movie is worth a look if you have not seen it yet.
  
• Donnie Brasco - Johnny Depp is still one of my favorite actors. I mean, there are a ton of great actors from the classic film days, but my personal opinion is that Mr. Depp will go down in history as one of the greatest. I know not everything he's done have been mainstream successes, but I think he has (or at least he used to...) an ecclectic taste in the choices of roles he's had over the years. Even in the less successful films, I've always enjoyed something about his work. To get off his jock for a moment, Al Pacino again delivers a stellar performance as well. And when you put the 2 of these dudes together, it's fucking magic. They should do more movies together some time. Please?
  
• The Host - This movie was a bit of a let down to be honest. I remember it was rated very highly by critics, but I dunno... It's sort of weak for a monster movie. Unlike the moderately acceptable "Cloverfield", in this movie, you get to see the monster throughout the movie, and not some douchey college kid's appalling inability to document something important on video. The problem is that in this case, you get to see the monster right away, and it ends up not really building up to anything later. So the monster just kinda does stuff and like, people win. Oh, sorry, that was a spoiler...
  
• Lost Highway - So I guess I didn't realize how much of a perv David Lynch is.... I guess it shoulda dawned on me earlier when I saw "Mullholland Dr.", but I guess I might have been distracted by something else during that one... uh.... yeah... Anyway, I saw bits and pieces of this movie during a party in college, and like, I didn't understand it because I didn't start from the beginning, you know? So, like, I dunno... Never really got around to watching the whole deal until now. All I can say, now that I've seen the whole thing, is that it's um... Good... Yeah.... Good....
  

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Ok... There you go. Um... So to wrap up this set of reviews, uh.... Well... I think I'm just gonna end it here...

I haven't written about these for a bit, but it's not because I haven't been wearing them. On the contrary, I have practically given up wearing shoes altogether.

I got no pics for this post because they look pretty much the same as what you've seen before.

But let me tell you a little more about these "shoes"... I have been running in them, I wear them around at work, and I even went on an hour long walk in them. These things are, without any shred of doubt in my mind, the most comfortable footwear that I've ever worn in my entire life! Mainly this is because they are almost like not wearing shoes at all. It's as close as you can come to just walking barefoot, without walking barefoot.

Running is no sweat. I actually find it more enjoyable to run in these than in running shoes. I've had no knee problems or back problems or shin splints or any problems at all! It has taken some adjustment to learn to walk in these, but once you get used to how it works, I think you probably wouldn't want to wear shoes after this.

It is definitely true that you should spend a bit of time getting adjusted to how these work. I wouldn't recommend that you try and run a marathon in them, right after you buy 'em. You should definitely start with the suggestion to wear them initially for 2 hours, and work your way up from there. You will be sore and probably hurt yourself if you don't learn to adjust.

But overall, my experience with them has been pretty much 100% positive. I really recommend that you consider getting a pair for yourself. And no, I am not working for Vibram. No. I do not get a commission. I just think that they are some of the best shoes I've ever worn, and I want other people to try them as well....

More on these later...

(I originally typed this up late at night... I guess I was pretty tired or something so I fixed all the fucked up grammar... Well, not that the grammar is perfect, but there were some pretty obviously bad things going on with this post...)

Wheeeee! More movies! Rhetorical question: Have you ever watched a movie despite knowing how terrible it would be? I guess really the issue is how do you know whether a movie will be horrible or not before you've even seen it? They say, don't judge a book by it's cover, but sometimes all we need is the cover to know how horrible a book will be... I think the first person to say "don't judge a book by it's cover" never read books like this...

Here's what I watched this week:

• The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - I was first introduced to this back when I was a kid. It was actually from a movie called Summer School (which is a good '80s movie) that I first heard of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Over the years I had seen clips and read about a person named, Ed Gein, but for some reason, never really bothered to watch the film in it's entirety, yet knew all about the mythos of Leatherface. Having now seen the film I can verifiably say that anyone who has never seen this film is basically missing out on one of the pantheon of great horror. Very few horror movies can shock/scare you in the way that this can. There are so many cringe-worthy sequences of gore and shocking horror, that I have no idea why I waited so long to see this masterpiece. Kids, if you've only seen the remake, which admittedly I have not, please scrape your eyeballs clean and remove the brain matter which will cause you to remember it, and go watch the original. Ok? (Disclaimer: Don't mutilate yourself cuz it's bad for you.)
  
• Deliverance - Following on the light-hearted theme of mutilation, cannibalism, and "bizarre home decor", we have a classic scene delivered in the deep woods from Deliverance. While there was no cannibalism and ill-advised interior decorating choices, there was a particular scene of... shall we call it mutilation? Um... Yeah, anyway. I did like the banjo scene, although, that kid really freaked me out... But all told, it was a good movie, and another one that you should see if you have not. (Mental note - No canoeing in the deep south or rural America)
  
• The Darjeeling Limited - This was supposed to be a comedy about 3 brothers doing something in India. But I found it hard to care about them at all to be perfectly honest. There were some "heart-warming" scenes between the 3 main actors at the end about acceptance and shit, but seriously? I dunno... I just find this guy's movies to be bland.... Bland like Wonder Bread... To make a movie in India of all places and to come away still with that Wonder Bread feel, that just blows me away. Congrats on making "The Most Boring Movie in One of the More Culturally Interesting Parts of the Globe!"
  
• The 40-Year-Old Virgin - I have to say, I was fairly unmoved by this movie. I laughed in a few spots, but I don't like comedies that are this cute. It's very saccharin and like the Wonder Bread movie I just reviewed, it left kind of a foul taste in my mouth. "Free" was a good price to pay to see this, and I don't think I would have liked spending more than $0.00 to go to the theater and watch this.
  
• Kagemusha - I honestly think I've exhausted the well of Kurosawa films after this one. I'm not saying this was bad. Actually there were some scenes in this that I don't think I've ever seen in cinema elsewhere. There was kind of a dream/hallucination sequence which totally blew me away. But I would have to say that my real favorites of his movies are Hidden Fortress, Yojimbo, and Sanjuro... Some of my favorite Mifune scenes in those as well. This was still a really enjoyable film and I liked much of what I saw. I just don't think it ranks up on my list of favorites. Oh well, you can't win 'em all.
  

To answer my own question from earlier, there are times when I've picked movies to review here, knowing full well that I wouldn't like them at all. Ocean's 11 was a good example of that. I don't know what my barometer is for determining whether or not I will or will not like a movie. It's purely a gut feeling, but that doesn't really explain anything. Or rather, it's a convenient way of avoiding explaining something in detail.

I've got some more movies right now for the next review post, so stay tuned.... (^_____^)

I dunno. All I can really say is that I'm really fucking disappointed with the Red Wings this year... It was their game, and they lost. Well, hope you think about that shit over the summer...

I watched a program the other day called "The Rick Mercer Report". Yeah, yeah.... It was kinda quiet that day and I just put on the tv for a bit of "background noise".

Anyway, it's like some prime time comedy show or something. But I just find the "comedy" (if that's what you want to call it) up here in Canada is pretty much about as unfunny as you can get. This guy, Rick Mercer, is probably near the pinnacle of Canadian comedians, which is to say that he's less funny than those lame jokes you learn as a kid. Why did the chicken cross the road? So he could get the hell away from Canadian comedy shows....

Anyway, the part I watched was some segment with this Rick Mercer dude and that singer, Feist. And it basically is this guy who probably looks like every other douchebag white dude in Canada, acting like a total giant douchebag moron. It's not funny.... Like, at all.... Here's an example. He got up on stage with Feist and intentionally tripped over something as a comedy bit. Oh god, it's so fucking funny you fucking fuck face fucker that I fucking laughed my fucking ass fucking off... fuck.... !... I switched channels pretty soon after that....

Then on like Friday or Saturday nights, they have televised stand-up comedians. I put it on sometimes. And really, I know people are laughing, but fucking fuck.... I just can't laugh at that shit. It's like, what is the opposite of laughing? That's what I do when these guys tell jokes. It's like they're so not funny that it goes into some comedic deficit that you just can't recover from. All they ever really talk about is smoking marijuana and how dumb or fat Americans are.... Fucking snoozefest! But then, what's even weirder, is that there are people watching it and laughing their asses off. Like, are you kidding me? You guys found that funny? Getting shot in the face would actually be more funny...

A buddy of mine said that comedy is cultural. I suppose that's true. But I think that it also implies that one should be cultured in order to make things seem funny. Well, the comedians up here got a long way to go.... I wish them luck.

It's been a long time since I've written one of these.... It's not like I haven't been watching movies or whatever, but I just haven't sat down to write the reviews... So this one is going to be pretty massive...

Anyway, here we go...

• Lumumba - I do respect the intent to tell this story. Africa is still, today, a place of very diverse political climates. Some countries in Africa are fairly stable, albeit 3rd world, while others are completely unstable with very little to speak of in the way of police/government rule. But this is a movie review, and not a politics lesson. So that's sort of why I don't really like this movie. I honestly found it dry and boring, like a saltine cracker. I suppose you could eat one if you're really hungry for something, but when you have a choice between a saltine and a hamburger, well, I sincerely doubt people would eat the saltine...
  
• Crash - How did this movie win any kind of award for anything than being the most pretentious, piece of shit movie over the last 30 years?! Nobody in real life would ever have the kinds of blatantly racist conversations as what took place in this movie. Furthermore, the chance of this many people's lives intersecting so consistently for like a couple hours is so low that you'd have a better chance at winning the lottery. I mean, half the m-f'ers in this movie shoulda just bought lottery tickets so they could afford a new house in a neighborhood way far away from all the minorities they seemed to dislike... At least Lumumba was just a boring movie. This is boring AND insulting. Congrats on doing that!
  
• The Element of Crime - This was a really bizarre/interesting film. Lars von Trier has solidified a place as one of my favorite directors. This movie was so great. I don't know exactly why but I just found this one so fascinating, how he put this story together... Definitely worth watching this.
  
• Titus - I don't even know what this movie was supposed to be about. It was like watching a poorly acted Shakespeare play or something. And I don't mean William Shakespeare. A play written by his mutant half-brother's cousin's sister's husband, Greg Shakespeare. Holy shit... Both terrible and uninteresting at the same time... I found many parts to be unwatchable.
  
• 300 - What to say about this? As movies go, it was ok I guess... It certainly was not a thinly-veiled homosexual thrill ride. I mean, a movie about a band of 300 macho burly beefcakes wearing nothing but speedos and capes, out camping in the mountains together, flexing, sweating, and fighting, and rolling around the battlefield with some hairy Persian warriors. Nope. Nuthin' gay at all about that...
  
• Final Destination - This was... Strange... But like, not in a good way. Pretty much some high school kids cheat death because of one dude's psychic premonitions. But "death" in this movie, instead of being the grim reaper, who can kill with a touch, is some mystical flying gelatinous goo whose super power is in constructing Goldberg-esque booby traps, which are easily avoided by a group of wily teens. If that premise doesn't scare you, then this movie won't either. It was a good effort though.
  
• Superman Returns - This director guy directed the X-men movies. Yet, how come those were kinda shitty (not bad, but still shitty), when this was actually kinda good sorta? I didn't not like it, which is to say that I found that I didn't hate it. The problem with this movie though (and all Superman movies) is that pretty much you can't make a sequel. He defeated the green kryptonite and his main arch-enemy. So, anything else would be kinda pointless now.
  
• The Illusionist -This movie was pretty good. Edward Norton is a great actor. I very much like the movies he's been in. The girl is kind of a bad actress, and the "European" accents are pretty terrible, like, amateurish. But if you can get past the girl and the bad accents, you'll find an entertaining movie.
  
• Ocean's Eleven - I'll just come out and say it. This movie sucked dirty buttholes. Who watches this shit? I would rather watch Crash again, than this shit. These guys have enough money to build a detailed scale model of the casino, as well as construct a working life-sized simulation of the vault they're breaking into, complete with security guards. Fuck. Why the fuck would you need to rob a casino if you can afford all this fucking equipment?!?!
  
• 8 1/2 - Federico Fellini... Someone I knew in college was a fan of his movies. This was allegedly his masterpiece or whatever. Terry Gilliam seemed to think so too. I liked it I think. But I found it a little hard to follow, just because parts are kind of bizarre. And it's all in Italian. I don't think you'll be missing something from your life, if you never see this movie. But it was like sorta good for a bit. And who knows, maybe you'll feel some resonance with this movie. I dunno. I sure didn't.
  
• South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut - I like South Park... The TV show... But this movie was pretty terrible. I dunno. I didn't find it funny at all. I think it was the musical segments or something which drove me nuts. But pretty much it was not funny. It pretty much lacked all the stuff that made the TV show kinda good or whatever. At least I didn't pay for it... hahahaha... bleargh.....
  
• Superbad - Hmmmm.... I guess there were parts of this movie that illicited a chuckle. But I dunno. High school kids probably found this seriously funny.... And with good reason... It's the kind of unsophisticated locker room humor stuff that children would think is fucking hilarious...... Yeah... That was kinda mean, I guess....
• The Fountain - I dunno about this. Wolverine was kind of a psycho in this. He's like seriously obsessed with his dead wife. Like, seriously obsessed... But, in a way, I still sorta liked it, meaning that I did not dislike it.... Which is to say that you should also not not watch it....
  
• American Psycho - Boy, the Batman was a fucking whack job, wasn't he? Holy shit.... I really liked this movie. I think I will try to read the book too... But the movie was pretty good. You should watch this one. Oh, and this was the uncut version or extended cut version or director's cut version or whatever the fuck version it was.... I don't think it was the theatrical version though... Not like I know the difference. But.... Yeah....
  
• Red Beard - This movie was ok. It was quite long actually. I just didn't like it as much as some of the other Kurosawa films. It was still tons better than "Crash" or whatever. But compared to some of the other ones I watched of his movies, it's not as good as, say.... Hidden Fortress or Yojimbo or whatever else I watched.... Still worth watching though, if you never seen this...
  

Anyway.... There you go.... I'll probably be posting these things a lot less frequently. It's pretty grueling to watch this much stuff all the time.... So whatever. I'll post 'em when I post 'em... Hope you liked this one....

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. One of the best things about living up here is the access to some of the best seafood in the world. As much as I love California, for whatever reason, the seafood down there was nowhere near as fresh and high quality as what you can find up here. Dunno why that is, especially when Frisco is fucking surrounded by water.

Anyway, I had some really nice fresh spot prawns yesterday. And as amazing as that was, this post is not about them. A picture is worth a thousand words, so just look at what I ate today...

Homemade Fried Oysters

Yes... Those are fried oysters. Not just any fried oysters though. I made them here in my l'il ol' kitchen, all by my lonesome.

Now I'm sure there are some of you oyster officianados who probably gasped a bit about frying up these delicacies. But be assured that if these were fresh, I would have shucked them and ate them right away. No, these were packaged oysters, which came in a little plastic tub. They were huge though! You needed to eat them in at least 2 pieces...

I ate them with my secret garlic/soy sauce dressing which I won't share the recipe for and no, it's not just garlic and soy sauce. What else is there to say? I fucking had an amazing meal out of them.

Oh, and yes, Ma, I ate vegetables too...

You're lucky also that I stopped eating for a bit to snap this picture of one that I cut into....

Yes... It was good...